Say You Love Me (Just Once)
by Creator0fWords
Summary: Please. [One-shot] (Katarina x Lux, angst, romance)


**S** **ay You Love Me (Just Once)**

 _Say you love me_

 _Please_

You only needed to hear it once.

Amid the maelstrom of fleeting kisses, loving caresses, passionate nights and tender touches, it would have been nice to hear it just once.

It hurts. It burns, when you say it to her and she just smirks that irresistable, sexy, insufferable smirk and kisses you.

Without saying it back.

The first time was when you were sitting together on a rooftop, watching the stars.

* * *

"Kat?"

Bright emerald eyes turn to you, filled with warmth.

"Yeah?"

You let out a sigh as you wrap your arms around your knees and hug them to your chest, your eyes leaving the shining stars to stare at the redhead beside you. You shift closer to her, resting your head against her shoulder. She moves and pulls your head in her lap, stroking your hair in a soothing rhythm.

A breath escapes your lips in the form of a low sigh as you stretch your legs out and turn to stare up at her, her red hair falling in a curtain around you and trapping you in your own little world.

A slight breeze ruffles her hair and caresses your bare legs, causing you to shiver and ball up.

She notices and adjusts again, wrapping a warm arm around your legs. "Do you want to go back inside?" She asks in a low, husky voice that sends a flash of warmth through your body.

You blink at the suggestion of going inside.

' _No,'_ You want to say. ' _I want to stay up here with you, forever….'_

Instead, you gently shake your head and bite your lip.

Emerald eyes seek yours, red lips lifting into a soft smile before capturing your own in a searing kiss.

You sit up a little, trapping her neck in your arms as you lean closer into her touch, and she wraps her free arm around your waist to steady you.

You feel like you're melting into her warmth; the redhead is so solid, so steady.

So perfect.

Slowly, you pull back, staring into her hazy orbs and seeing your own blue ones reflected in them.

Everything feels right. It's as if the enigma that is the universe suddenly makes sense. You are completely grounded in the moment, and your mind is crystal clear.

It feels perfectly right to say it.

"I love you," You breathe, lips barely ghosting over hers as you say it.

For an instant, you feel her freeze, and you follow suit, wondering if you'd just made a terrible mistake. What if she didn't want to hear that? What if she leaves? What if she doesn't come back? What if she never wants to see you again?

All those thoughts are thrown out the mental window when you feel her hands tangle in your hair and her lips press against your own, needy and wanting. Heat and electricity spark down through your body.

She's gentle and loving that night, a contrast from her usual roughness.

It isn't until you wake up the next morning, warm and comfortable in her embrace, head over her beating heart, that you realize she'd never said it back.

* * *

You never confronted her about it, afraid of what she'd say.

It gnaws at you when you kiss her, when you're cuddling together in front of the fireplace, and when you're on the Fields of Justice, weapons clashing in a battle for dominance.

* * *

"Caitlyn MIA botlane, watch out!" You heard a Summoner say over the mental link.

"Got it," Your own Summoner replied. "Did you catch that, Lux?"

"Yup!" You said, dodging a dagger thrown your way as you launched your own projectile at a minion.

A movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention and you turned to see a large white bear charging at you, thunder crackling around his paws.

Eyes wide, you launched a cage of light at him, trapping him by the river brush as you started running back towards the safety of your turret.

Only to run right into a wall of muscle and steel.

"Nuh-uh, Luxxy. I've got you right where I want you." Katarina purred, dagger poised to strike.

Only it didn't.

A small noise of frustration escaped her lips as a purple cage of magic sprung up around her, and the soil beneath her feet turned rotten and black.

Seeing your chance to run, you fired a ball of light at Volibear, distorting the area around him and slowing him down as you ran towards tower.

But then something cold clamped around your foot, and you barely bit down on your scream of pain.

Caitlyn stepped out from the shadows, rifle pointed towards you.

Distantly, out of the corner of your eye, you saw Morgana and Tristana attempting to take down Volibear and you could hear your Summoner telling you that more reinforcements were coming in.

Pain lanced through your side and a scream of agony escaped your lips as a bullet caught you just below the ribcage, followed by a .90 caliber net that pinned you to the ground.

Gritting your teeth, you raised your staff and threw another bolt of binding light at your attackers, managing to catch Caitlyn but not Katarina, who had moved to join the fight against Morgana and Tristana.

Moving quickly, you shoved the net off of you and made it one more step before a sharp blade of Ionian steel came tearing at you from the jungle, the Captain of Ionia's guard following in its wake, eyes narrowed in concentration and three more blades floating around her.

Before she could launch another projectile, however, a massive axe pulled her away from you and you saw Darius jump up and slam her away.

A clicking sound alerted you to the presence of the Sheriff, who was now kneeling on the ground by her own turret, sniper rifle trained on you.

Your eyes widened.

There was no way you were getting out of this.

And then you saw Katarina shove Tristana into the line of fire.

Right as Caitlyn pulled the trigger.

A disembodied female voice announced a death… But not your own.

Your eyes met emerald ones for a split second before your Summoner yelled at you to run.

* * *

You sigh as you flip the last page of the book you were just reading, a sappy story of forbidden love between a Noxian and a Demacian.

You understand clearly why you chose to read that book in the first place.

A glance at the clock and the hands on its face tells you that midnight is fast approaching.

And Katarina still has not returned from the meeting she went out to a few hours ago.

Worry gnaws at the pit in your stomach, but you squash it down, knowing that Swain likes to keep her behind sometimes.

And you trust in her abilities.

* * *

"Kat, are you sure about this?"

"Of course."

Bright city lights illuminated the stone walls of Noxian High Command, dark foreboding towers rising up behind you as you stepped carefully along a narrow ledge.

"It doesn't seem terribly safe…"

Katarina turned to you, green eyes bright with adrenaline and a small, reassuring grin on her lips.

"I won't let you fall."

You found yourself lost in those eyes, a feeling of warmth blooming out from your chest.

You trust her. You believe her.

A hand reached out across the small space separating your bodies, and you carefully removed yours from where it was pressed against the wall to meet it, warm fingers lacing with your own frigid ones.

She smiled again before tugging on your hand. You slowly started shuffling again, back pressed to cold stone and front facing the sprawling streets of Noxus.

Suddenly, you felt her stop and slowly turned your head to face her.

She gently let go of your hand and placed a finger to her lips, before smiling wickedly and leaping off the edge.

You barely bit back a shriek of terror as you watched your lover fall off the edge of the wall, certain that she would become just another stain on the streets.

Gingerly, you craned your head out a little and peered down.

Only to see glinting emerald eyes and a feral grin.

Standing on an outstretched balcony, Katarina raised a hand up to help you down.

You took the hand, the relief you felt coursing through your body only matched by the swirl of emotions you felt when she kissed you, one arm encircling your waist and another tangling in your hair.

The bright lights twinkled behind her, and you smiled into the kiss, tightening your hold on her own flowing red hair.

All of a sudden, you found yourself back on the ledge, one of Katarina's arms pressed against your chest to prevent you from falling off.

You felt confused, but then saw the flickering light of a torch spilling onto the balcony on which you'd been standing mere moments before.

A figure walked onto the small landing of stone and leaned against the railing, face turned towards the city.

Slowly, you felt Katarina start moving, the only warning you got being a hand slapped over your mouth as she jumped down again, landing soundlessly, you safely encircled in her arms.

Your eyes widened, certain that you were about to be caught, but she merely winked and quickly dragged you to the door.

You were through before the figure on the balcony even set down his torch.

The hallway you found yourselves in was mostly dark, a few torches illuminating it, but most extinguished for the night.

Finding your wits, you cast a small cloak on you both, now having enough concentration to finally do so without the danger of falling off a ledge.

Katarina led you through winding dark hallways until you finally arrived at a staircase, spiraling up into darkness.

She pulled you through, and at the top was a single sputtering torch bracketed against a wall beside a heavy wooden door.

Smiling, Katarina pushed the door open and took the torch.

Your eyes widened as she led you into the vast room, rows upon rows of bookshelves filling the space and a domed ceiling of glass above letting in the light of the stars and moon.

You gasped and whirled to face her, seeing only emerald eyes and red hair before your lips were on hers, wonder and awe and _love_ in the kiss.

You finally broke the kiss, a smile on your face as you whispered the only thing that felt right in the moment.

"I love you…"

Her eyes shone and her lips parted, as if to say it back.

And then a hand was over your mouth and the torch extinguished in a second as the door swung open once again.

Heart racing and gleaming green eyes your only guide, you let her tug you deeper into the rows of bookshelves, until at last you reached another door.

Through it was another balcony, one that encircled the whole tower.

Katarina jumped up onto the ledge separating you from a long fall and safety, legs dangling dangerously over nothing.

She turned, eyes glinting. "Lot of close calls tonight, huh, baby?"

You smiled, shaking your head ruefully. "Yeah."

The redhead cocked her head and patted the space beside her, a warm smile on her face.

You hesitated, and she noticed, the smile growing.

"I promise - I won't let you fall."

* * *

It's almost two in the morning, and she's still not back.

You're pacing the room when the door slams open, a cloaked figure standing there.

Your head snaps towards it, and you know there is hope in your eyes, when you realize that the figure is too broad and tall to be Katarina.

Blood stains the signature blue cape and steel arm blades, and Talon has a look of defeat and sorrow in his eyes.

You're already in front of him, pleading in your eyes and heart when he opens his mouth, voice coming out raspy and broken.

"Lux…"

* * *

Black was never one of your favorite colors.

It has always been too dark, too unknown, too broody and too symbolic of death and rotten things.

You hate it even more right now.

The rain pounds down around you, soaking into your skin and clothes.

You don't care.

You're cold and shivering, the heat of your body completely lost to the relentless downpour.

You don't care.

Cassiopeia stands next to you, head down and tears streaming from her eyes.

You don't care.

The only thing you care about- the only thing you _ever_ cared about- is lying, cold and still in the damp earth before you, brilliant emerald eyes, now glassy, looking towards the grey sky.

You feel too broken to cry. Too stunned to do anything more than stand there in disbelief, refusing to acknowledge reality.

How this could happen is one thing; how the world could be so cruel is another.

You can't. You can't see her like this.

You can only see her, green eyes shining and lips pulled up into that smirk you loved so much. You can only see her dancing around on the Fields of Justice, knives flashing.

You can only see her above you, red hair falling into a curtain around you, as she kisses you senseless.

You can only see her alive.

You don't even remember falling to the ground- all you know is that you're squeezing cold mud between your hands, and you'd love to be squeezing something else between them.

The throat of the one who murdered the only light in your life.

The cold wind blowing through your hair and the leaves of the nearby trees suddenly lessens and becomes warm, like the gentle caress of a lover. It wraps around you comfortingly, and you swear you can feel someone watching you.

You don't register the tears streaming down your cheeks. Don't register the broken sobs clawing their way out of your throat.

All you can remember is that you loved her. That you still do.

And that she'd never had the chance to say it back.

"I love you…" You whisper to the cold, hard earth.

" _I love you…"_

* * *

 **Second one-shot I've ever written! I hope you enjoyed, and if you did, leave some comments- I'd love to know how I did.**

 **This was Beta'd by and is** **dedicated to my amazing Beta, Kythil, as one of the one-shots of that KataLux birthday present I gave to you months ago... I told you I would finish it, somehow, some way, and this is one part of it. Really hope you liked!**

 **I'm starting to realize a trend with all the angsts I write... Maybe because I only have one song that I can use to channel my inner angst, and I always listen to that one when writing.**

 **Meh.**

 **Anyways, thanks for reading!**

 **\- Creator0fWords**


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